


heart to heart as we hit the floor

by scoutishere



Series: IPRE Crew 1920s AU [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - 1920s, Canon Trans Character, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Medicine, Period Typical Bigotry, Trans Female Character, barry is in his 30s and lup is a young adult, implied/referenced sex reassignment surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 19:29:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20376901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scoutishere/pseuds/scoutishere
Summary: She hears shuffling on the other end. She tries to imagine what he’s doing up, where he’s positioned in his house. Is he at his work desk, staying up until late at night to perfect his procedures? He’s always researching, always attempting to learn more about medicine to be better with his patients, and it inspires Lup to push herself in science, a subject she loves, too. From the phone, she hears Barry clear his throat politely. “Would you like me to call a cab and come over?”Desperately,she thinks.Yes yes yes, yes I do, come and let me ravish you, let me be with you, let me listen to you talk for hours on end. Anything.But she just imitates his polite cough, and says “Sure, if you’d like to. I have some wine we can split.”Lup, a flapper for underground speakeasies, misses Barry, and calls him over for a drink. Barry, a practitioner of illegal medicine, may be able to solve Lup's problem.Inspired bythisbeautiful artwork by @cozycapybara on tumblr!





	heart to heart as we hit the floor

Lup’s not quite sure why she invites Barry over, that cold, dark night, to her apartment in the city. 

When she calls him, her back against the wall near the phone, holding it to her ear, it rings twice before he picks it up, sounding inquisitive. “Hello?” comes his soft, deep voice through the phone. 

“Hello,” she says softly, “It’s Lup.” 

It’s not like they’re strangers. They’re friends, that’s the closest word for it -- in the same group of them and the 5 other misfits they often spend time with -- ranging from young, like her, Lucretia, Taako, and Magnus, to newly minted adults, like Merle, who is (probably? Lup still isn’t completely sure, because he parties like he’s 18) around 30, and then older, like Barry, and Davenport. Barry is in his mid 30’s, another reason why Lup feels odd attaching herself to him, but she really can’t help it. She had sat on the counter of her empty kitchen, gazing at the bottles of liquor in her cabinet, and wishing for his company dearly. 

There is a pause on the phone, but when he speaks, Lup can hear a smile in his voice, and it makes her heart feel weak. “Yes, Lup? Can I help you… at 10:48 at night?” 

Her heart flutters, and she looks up at her ceiling, sighing softly. “I’d just had the thought that I missed you, and wished that you were here,” she admits, her hand coming to twirl the chord to the telephone. 

She hears shuffling on the other end. She tries to imagine what he’s doing up, where he’s positioned in his house. Is he at his work desk, staying up until late at night to perfect his procedures? He’s always researching, always attempting to learn more about medicine to be better with his patients, and it inspires Lup to push herself in science, a subject she loves, too. From the phone, she hears Barry clear his throat politely. “Would you like me to call a cab and come over?” 

_Desperately, _she thinks. _Yes yes yes, yes I do, come and let me ravish you, let me be with you, let me listen to you talk for hours on end. Anything. _But she just imitates his polite cough, and says “Sure, if you’d like to. I have some wine we can split.” 

He agrees, and bids her well, promising he will be there within the hour, and Lup slides down a bit, bracing herself against the wall, and can’t stop her heartbeat from going a little faster when she thinks about how he will be here. It’s not like this is the first time he has come over, but usually they do not spend time alone, but with the rest of their friends. And usually they spend time together in daylight, not when it’s dark and late, not like this. 

She glances at the apartment around her, taking note of the decorations in her small studio, and feels a little embarrassed about being a young adult, then, because Barry has his shit together and has a real-ass career and Lup is still trying to pay rent every month. And it’s her fault anyway, because she refuses to get a solid, well-paying, consistent job, and instead chooses to hide herself away as a dancer for speakeasies, with the pay good but inconsistent, the atmosphere dangerous but familiar. For her, especially with her playing with gender the way she does, it feels the most dangerous to bare her face to the outside world, to be vulnerable to the normalcy of society. 

In her small living room, she has a record-player, something Taako got her for their birthday (probably stolen, but it means just as much), and sitting next to that is her bookshelf, packed with books of all kinds on science, cuisine, culture, humanities, and more. There are dozens upon dozens of books filled with poetic literature Lucretia has pushed into her hands, insisting she reads and be enlightened (she always does, of course -- she loves to read, and she loves to make Lucretia smile). Also, bibles and holy books of every kind and religion, gifts from Merle, opened sometimes by her when she needs something spiritual, something to keep her on her feet, and it seems like Merle knows that part of her, the one that aches for something beyond the present world. Most of the culinary ones were originally Taako’s, but Lup has quick hands and Taako hardly ever notices a book missing. Or two dozen. 

Striding into the kitchen, she opens her liquor cabinet, and retrieves the second-oldest bottle of wine she has, setting it on the kitchen counter with a glass noise reverberating through the room, and she heads to her records, picking one out and throwing it on, a slow, jazzy beat that would relax her, make her feel more loose. Already she is looking out from her big windows onto the city streets below, watching cars pass in the night, awaiting his yellow taxi. 

It’s useless, because there are dozens of other taxis driving around, shuttling people to where they need to go, New York alive with all kinds of life -- and she aches a bit for it, always loving the thrum of people, the scandalous act of being in the night. But this is her day off, and she’s grateful, because it’s like her body is always tired, always sore from use, always touched by men in that enticing darkness, and she’s safe right now, tucked away in the warmth of her own apartment. And Barry’s coming over. 

It’s not long before she hears a soft knock from the door, waiting for a moment before opening it. 

On the other side waits Barry patiently, wearing a soft, plaid button-up and a coat to shield himself from the cold, and he holds a bottle of wine in one hand, and he smiles at Lup when she opens the door for him. With his free hand, he clutches her shoulder, and brings her in for a quick hug, _a friendly hug, nothing more,_ she thinks. It still makes goosebumps rise on her arm, and she takes the bottle of wine from him, rolling her eyes. “Barry, I said I had a bottle,” she chides, welcoming him in with the twist of her hand. 

He smiles, chucking softly. “It’s a gift, then,” he insists, and hangs up his coat on the hanger near her door, takes his boots off at the rug. He seems to listen in to the record she’s playing, swaying a bit to the music. “Nice tunes,” he compliments. 

“Thank you. Can I pour you one?” she offers, taking the few steps into her kitchen, and he nods, so she pours them both glasses of her aged red wine, and stepping into her living room, where Barry sits on her old, worn couch. She gives him one of the glasses, and they clink them together in cheers, and Lup takes a long drink, wishing to be pleasantly tingly already. 

Somehow, although Lup makes her living showing her body to older men, and that part of her life is not something she is necessarily proud of or enjoys, she is always comfortable around Barry, always trusts him in everything. It is because he is so gentle, never malicious -- and so careful too, not treading too hard, always respecting her boundaries. Even now, he sits across the couch from her, leaving a polite space between them, and Lup scoots closer to him, closing their gap and brushing their knees. He raises an eyebrow at her and she winks at him, taking another drink. “What were you doing before I called you, Barry?” she asks, genuinely curious. 

She watches the expression on his face contort to memory, and he shrugs. “Just doing work. A patient of mine has a condition that would make a traditional procedure nearly impossible, so I’m reading up on that condition and what other alternatives there may be,” he explains, setting his glass down on the end table near them. As he speaks, he explains using his hands, and Lup could listen to him talk forever. 

He’s talking about the under-the-table abortion procedures he enacts, of course. He’s an on-call doctor, but has also dedicated much of his time and resources to providing abortions for women in their area that are discreet, safe, and as well-informed as possible, always researching and learning more to enact his abortions with the most updated technology and procedures. He’s tireless in his work, and it just makes Lup like him even more, that he works so hard to attempt to provide such an important thing for so many women. 

She had asked him why, once, that he is so dedicated to this particular cause, and he seemed to brush it off, humble as ever. He had said that one of his on-call patients, a young woman, pleaded with him, told him she needed an abortion, that she simply could not support a child, and while he knew almost nothing of it, he researched it extensively, studied under another abortion doctor, and ensured he knew the procedure before going back to perform it on that patient. And it had only continued from there, women all around New York coming to know his name as one that could be trusted for this purpose, when the world around them shunned them. 

Lup nods, and finishes her glass before pouring herself more, and topping off Barry’s. “You do such good work,” she sighs, looking out of her window to the darkness above. 

“Thank you,” he accepts, and then shrugs. “Like I said, you’re always welcome to continue to study medicine with me.” 

A few months ago, Lup had spent a lot of time at his place, studying under him, learning tricks and trades of medicine, but it had only made her depressed in the end, knowing she could not truly become a practitioner for medicine without going to school for it, and she simply did not have the ability to do that, the money or the confidence in her abilities or the willingness to be herself in the daylight. No, the darkness was much more comfortable for her. 

Lup shakes her head, smiling at him, feeling a bit tipsy. “I know,” she says softly. “I’m reading that book you gave me, you know. About the procedures you do.” 

“Oh, really?” he asks, his interest peaked, his dark, curly hair flopping upwards with the touch of his hand. “Do you like it? What do you think?” 

Nodding, Lup smiles at him. “Yeah, I like it. I only continue reading it sometimes, because I’m more focused on the culinary arts right now, but it’s really interesting, Bar.” 

“Good, good,” he says, and he stretches his arm over the sofa, behind Lup’s head, making her scalp tingle with the sudden warmth. “I just thought… it’s a good topic to know about, of course, especially when you are a woman, because anything could happen, and the topic can be so taboo…” but his voice is fading to the back of Lup’s mind, her shoulder tensing, because _oh God, Barry doesn’t know that I’m a trans girl, how doesn’t Barry know that I’m a trans girl? _

Lup supposes she passes fairly well, especially in the darkness of night, and her long blonde hair and naturally slender body lend to her being cisgender if not examined by prying eyes, but Barry knows her, even if they’ve never discussed it, she just assumed he knew. Taako knows, but he doesn’t talk about it either, and Lucretia knows, because Lup has discussed gender with her, close and intimate and honest. But there’s just never been something like this tossed into her wheelhouse by Barry, something that suggests she has a vagina that could conceive with, and she jerks out of his closeness, facing him. He closes his mouth, looking confused. “Did I say something wrong?” he asks immediately, his eyebrows upturned. 

“No,” she answers simply, and takes another long sip from her glass. Her fingers tingle. “I… Barry, you have to know something about me.” 

Looking a bit quizzical, Barry raises his eyebrows at her, looking expectant. “Yeah?” 

There’s a rush of nerves for her, then, because_ what if he’s disgusted with me, what if this is the end of us, what if he turns on his heel and runs,_ but she remembers it’s Barry, remembers how passionate he is about providing healthcare for the most vulnerable women on the streets, how caring he is in every action and word. She takes a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah. I’m transgender, Barry. I’m a woman, sure, but… I don’t have a vagina,” she exhales, and it comes out breathy with lack of confidence, and she crumples a bit, wishes she could feel stronger in that moment. 

Her eyes clenched shut, she feels Barry’s soft, warm hand against hers, and she wraps her hand in his, and he grips it tight, comforting and stable and safe. It makes her stomach flip over inside her. She hears his voice, and it is just right: “Lup, that’s okay. I’m sorry that I assumed…” and he trails off, and she can feel her face heating up, looking away. “Look, I think no different of you. You’re still one of the most incredible and beautiful women I’ve ever met,” and that makes Lup burn up inside, and she faces him, and his face is honest and revering in the lamplight. 

She laughs a little breathlessly, her eyes feeling tearful, and she leans over to the coffee table to pour herself another glass. “I need more to drink for this,” she says shakily, winking at Barry, and he smiles at her, squeezing her hand again and making her feel weak all over. 

Taking a deep breath, she straightens herself, and faces Barry again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all emotional. But thank you. You’re incredible, too,” she says, running her hand over his forearm, touching him for the sake of touching him. “I… I’ve been trying to find someone to do… surgery. Vaginoplasty, they call it. They switch your parts around, give you female ones using the parts you have. It’s a new procedure, dangerous, illegal, but… it’s what I want. Someday.” It’s more honest than she’s been with anyone in a long time, but she can’t help it, the words tumbling out of her mouth, Barry’s love and the sweetness of the wine on her tongue making her words loose. 

She watches the expression on Barry’s face turn to one that is familiar, from when she watched him work at his desk, inquisitive, curious, studying. It makes her heart race. “Medicine is always advancing, Lup,” he promises. “I’m positive that’s achievable, in good time.” 

That night, Lup falls asleep in his arms on her couch, feeling warm and drunk and floaty, and so right that she feels like she’s going crazy. 

\- 

She doesn’t hear from him in a while, two weeks on end, and it saddens her deeply. When she goes out to dance, she’s always scanning the crowd for him, pretending that the men that touch the skin of her hip or the bend of her thighs are Barry to make her less disgusted. She goes home with good money, but she always feels so debauched by the end; even though her clothes stay on, she is still a dancer, earning money for her body. When she gets home from work, late, late at night, all she usually wants to do is to take a hot shower to watch the day drain down the pipes, and go right to sleep. 

But as she’s putting her hair into a towel, she hears a knock from the door, three soft but clear raps, and pauses, wondering who could or would be in this late. Her mind immediately insists it may be Barry, so she wraps the larger towel around her body more securely before coming to the door and opening it, just a crack, the lock still latched. 

Peering through the partially open door is Barry Bluejeans, looking excited, holding a briefcase with papers falling out of it, with snow coating his eyelashes and the curl of his hair. She laughs a bit at him, watching his eyes widen at her state of undress, and she beckons him in, disappearing to her bedroom to dress in pajamas and a robe, and coming back into her living room to see him on the couch with his notebooks spread on the coffee table, cluttering her space. She raises an eyebrow at him. “Barry, can I help you, at 1 in the morning?” she imitates him, and he sticks his tongue out at her childishly before beckoning her forward, showing her the notes taken in his messy scrawl, the torn-out pages of books annotated and covered in notes. It’s a lot to take in, but she sits next to him, her eyes scanning the research before her. She catches the words “estrogen,” “colon,” and “labia majora” and her eyes come back up to look confusedly at Barry, waiting for him to explain. 

A bit embarrassed, Barry begins to gather some of the papers up, but Lup stops him, grabbing his arm, and allowing him to speak up. Barry clears his throat. “Okay. Well. Lup, I know you talked about, well, sex reassignment surgery, and I know I said it will come in due time, but listen. Why wait for the majority in medicine to get on the same page as you? If… If I decided not to learn how to perform abortions, then hundreds of women would go without the procedure they need, or get it some place less safe, and it’s just not right. So I went out, did a little research, contacted the leading doctors in these types of procedures. There isn’t a lot of data gathered as of yet, so it’s still fairly dangerous, and I think you should learn about it too, make sure you’re completely okay with--” he starts, but Lup is already reaching out to grab him by the front of his shirt, and pulling him forward to kiss him, firm and steady, and he quiets, his eyelids falling closed as he kisses her back, his hands coming up to ghost against Lup’s face. 

Within a moment, she pulls back, looking at him with wide eyes, and she almost immediately apologizes-- “I’m sorry,” tumbling from her mouth-- feeling embarrassed, here on a couch with Barry after she’d just kissed him with no pretense, how else is she supposed to feel, but when she looks at him, his face is red and flushed and Lup can’t help but think she wants to kiss him again. 

“Don’t apologize,” he says, and it’s soft, gentle, his hand coming to hold hers, squeezing it lightly. So she leans forward, kisses him again, but this time it’s slow, taking her time, savoring the feeling of her lips on his, what she’s wanted for a long time. 

Lup squeezes his hand, and grins at him, probably a little dumbly, tired from her hours of work but exhilarated by this new information. “I… I’m sorry, really. I just… got a little excited, is all.” 

And he looks a little hurt, drawing his hand away, but Lup holds it firm, words beginning to tumble out of her mouth in a panic. “I mean, I didn’t just kiss you because I’m excited about medicine. I am excited about medicine. I’m also excited about you. You, Barry,” she insists, and he turns to gaze at her, his eyes wide. 

“I’m… Me, too, Lup,” he says, smiling at her in the tired darkness of the earliest morning. 

They discuss the procedure for hours after that, and also discuss them, the possibilities of the future, the intricacies of their kissing, until Lup falls asleep on his shoulder, and Barry lets her stay there, his back stiff on the couch but content in the moment, and not daring to disturb the woman beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading ! i plan to post 4 other fics in this series, addressing the relationships between: lup/lucretia, merle/davenport, taako/kravitz, and magnus/taako/kravitz, a fic for each of those set in this universe/au!
> 
> if you enjoyed reading this please leave a comment! it means a lot more than you know!
> 
> find me on tumblr @lucretiagf


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